New Life
So I haven’t posted a tumble in like forever…so I thought I’d catch you up on my life now.
I’m 20 now..just had my birthday on the 16th. I haz a baby and her name is Brooklynn she’s 2 months now and growing fast. We’re living in Jackman at Craig’s parents. Now don’t get me wrong I love what they’re doing for us, giving us a roof over our head. But I’m ready for my own place to live…I can’t take it here anymore..the room we have is small and its just getting smaller as we get more stuff. We don’t have enough room for my stuff, Craig’s AND Brooklynn’s. It’s just too much. Craig doesn’t seem to get it, I mean he sits there and says “I know, I know” but I really don’t think he does. Because if he knew he’d be working harder at getting us out of here and on our own.
He hasn’t had a job since we were living in Caratunk with a friend..and he doesn’t seem to want to get one. I mean we went to my dad’s last weekend cuz I had surgery and he said he wasn’t going to smoke…but guess what? He did. So now we have to wait another two weeks before he’ll even TRY applying for jobs. I haven’t worked since October because of the baby and because I’ve had two surgeries in the past month. So we have NO income at all. I just want my own place, my own space to call my home. Not someone elses home.
We’re waiting on income tax so hopefully we can get a car, which will make me so much happier so if I need to I can just take a drive. And Craig will have a ride back and forth to work that way…
well thats my update for now
I enjoy the winter for a few reasons, but one of the biggest is the calming, peacefulness of a snow flurry. In the dead of night, walking back to my dorm, nothing but silence and light snow falling lightly down around me and onto my hair. Relaxing, beautiful, calming, and makes me forget about all the hate, anger, destruction, deception, corruption…the list goes on. I have officially been sincerely happy by way of nature.
I fully agree with you!! I loved going outside after dark during a storm at my aunt’s. It’s wicked peaceful. The silent air, the snow falling around you, the smell of the cold, and the moon if its out and bright. Its just so calming and beautiful. MISS YOU COLE!!! Hope to see you sometime soon, after Christmas hopefully!
old memories…
I miss everyone so much…i miss chylin with all my friends everyday…all the fun we had. I miss not being bored because I always had someone there to keep me entertained. I fucking MISS high school just because all the people I miss and love so much were around me everyday…even on the weekends because i usually held the best get together’s of our crew.
I was looking at Sara’s tumblr today, and noticed that she posted a whole bunch of pictures of all our friends…and i literally just wanted to burst into tears because I miss you all soooo much….some days so much it actually hurts…and now im probably moving to Jackman again D=
And the fact that I’m pregnant just proves more and more everyday I’m no longer a child…or a teenager…even if i am still 19 years old…i don’t feel it. It sucks so much…I miss all the fun and the friends, and just all the people that were around everyday…even if there was drama between us all…a couple days later we were all over it and happy together again.
I miss you…..
Sometimes I wish…
That I could go back to Senior year and do it all over again…only because of all the fun times my friends and i had. I don’t wanna go back to the drama EVER just back to all the carefree shit we did…all the parties and just all of us hanging out doing crazy shit.
I’m really sad that i lost like all the videos i had of truth or dare, and just all the crazy stunts we did =[ I miss it all and wish we could all just get together once again and go crazy. I miss the crew so fucking much right now…
Sometimes i hate growing up…i liked being a kid, not having all the bills to worry about, and worrying about whether or not im going to have a roof over my head.
I just want it all back =[
I really need to delete
Snuff by Slipknot, off my playlist…because it reminds me of one person that i grew really close to my senior year…and we had the most fucked up and heart wrenching friendship…and every time i listen to it, i tend to think back on parties and on just weekends that i had this person and a couple others over. It make me sad because it makes me sit and wonder what if? what if we never had the kind of friendship we did, would we be closer like bother and sister? would we talk more than we do now? what if things went different and he actually would have dated me? would i be with craig? but you know what, i guess things happen for a reason and im happy to be back with craig. I just wish this guy and i talked more like we used to…i miss talking to him and just hanging out and having crazy times at aunties parties….Muzzy and Wes you two probably know who im talking about…gah i think you two helped me the most when times got really tough for me when it came to him. Thank You for that =D
I hate it when…
Friends grow apart…i mean i had such a HUGE group of people that i always hung out with everyday at school. And now?? we hardly talk and when we do its only for a little bit. I am damn determined to do a party sometime this summer and get the ORIGINAL Krew together, like Muzz, Jay, Sara, Coletrain, Wes, Beccah, Kitty, Ace, possibly Rod, and a couple other people. I hate that ive grown apart from some of them…i miss my friendships with Sara and Bec the most…Sara got me, and i got her…we just knew of all the hardships we’ve both gone through in life…and Bec…Beccah and i had an awesome vacation together before Prom senior year…and we pretty much figured out we were twins separated at birth…and i miss my BecBec soooo much!! BECCAHHHH!!! remember the kitty we saved at ur grandparents??!?!?!?! i miss it!! lol
Some people that ive grown away from i don’t really regret that…some things just happened to MAKE us grow apart no matter how hard either of us tried to keep that friendship. It was never meant to be anymore…and one particular person…as much as i may miss that friendship some days….I think of all the things that happened between us and to be honest, im glad we hardly ever talk anymore…because i always sit here and wonder what lies that person is going to tell me next. I never TRULY knew what to believe when i talked to them…and you may know who im talking about and if you do well thats good for you…and I know this person is probably gonna read this eventually and just so you know…this time the blog is staying up no matter what you ask, because its my opinion and my ranting and thoughts. And i have a right to voice them.
If i could go back, there are a couple people i probably wouldn’t have introduced to Craig…but you know what sometimes i sit and think, what if i hadn’t…would i be with Craig today? So as much as i HATE them being sorta friends with him…im dealing with it, because its how i got the person im in love with the most in this world, BACK! And i will try my hardest to never again hurt him like i have before…i hate so much that i’ve hurt him more than once, and each time it just seemed to get worse for him…but no matter what he’s always kept his arms wide open for me and im so thankful that he’s given me a second chance.
As much as people talk about me…they truly don’t know shit about me, they don’t know what i went through for 13 years of my life. they don’t know the abuse i went through when it came to my step father, and all the people that have betrayed me throughout my life. I used to cut…pretty deep sometimes, never deep enough to kill me or send me to the hospital. But i still did it, and Craig found out (not true i told him because its something that ive never been able to keep from him) i always told him when i made another cut, and he threatened to slice his own arm from the bend of his arm to his wrist the next time i cut…so right then and there i promised him that i would NEVER take a blade to my arm. Even when we broke up for about a year and a half…i never once picked up a blade with thoughts of running it over my arm. He saved me…he truly did, if it wasn’t for Craig…i probably wouldn’t be here. A few people, or many people might sit there and think..”hmm..too bad she’s still here” but im very thankful for the people who are as loyal to me as i am to them.
Flat out…you show me respect, you don’t hide things from me, and you be truthful to me…ill show you respect, i won’t hide things from you, and i will be truthful to you. You have to earn my trust, you have to earn my loyalty and my respect…if ur disrespectful to me, untrustworthy, or unloyal…ill tell you flat out what i think of you, and if you’re on my property and i don’t like how you’re acting, ill tell you straight up to leave and never come back. Some people may not believe me when i say it, because some people have only seen my bad side…but i can usually be a pretty calm person..but if you piss me off, or if ive gotten to know you and i don’t like how you act…then im gonna tell you what i think, no bullshitting what so ever. I don’t like lying, and i don’t like liars….so i try my best not to lie.
Thats my thoughts for the day…
yesterday between classes, amanda and i decided we need to meet straight guys.
that is, of course, easier said than done. most people meet potential guys to a) date, b) hook up with, or c) be friends with until a) or b) happens at parties.
i go to allied in pride parties at the townhouse. unless i’m going for girls, i’ve got slim pickings there. amanda goes to theatre parties. theatre boys are gay until proven straight. after that, you have to weed out the one or two of them that are straight and single.
basically, we’re idiots at this.
and last night, i realized that i don’t care. the valentine’s day party at the townhouse last night was ridiculously fun. like, i won’t lie, there was a lot of vodka involved and that helps a lot, but it reminded me of a party at lora’s. especially the part where i was cuddling on the floor with nick and rohmteen. it’s the closeness and comfortableness of home, with my pretty much amazing friends at college.
i think i’m able to see this party in a positive light because i remembered to take advil before i went to bed and almost immediately after i woke up. no hangover for the winnnn.
and as of now, my sister is probably almost at the portland jetport. you don’t know how excited i am to see her (and how excited that i won’t be too hungover to pick her up).
hahaha yeahhh, parties at my place start off with everyone sober, and end up with everyone drunk and cuddling with each other, in like a big orgy…twas amazingness and i miss it like crazyyyyy<3
"I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it."
-- J.D., Scrubs
Submitted by: eightyeight
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